Restos

       Jaromir Hladík era más que un escritor judío. Era un adelantado. Un erudito de la pre-realidad emocional. La ansiedad y la preocupación, personificadas en alguien con diazepam y esperanza en la sangre. Quizá algo de whisky también. Neurótico a su favor. "Murió centenares de muertes", y quizás esa es la clave; soñar, aprender, acostumbrarse, imaginar, saber que va a llegar. Exprimir previa y mentalmente toda posible situación que desencadene ese final. Lejos de aludir a la utopía salvadora de Jaromir, puede que esta sea la clave para que ningún dolor sorprenda y agite, la manera de sentir la mayor paz posible durante esa culminante crisis terminal. Y sólo tal vez, distorsionando ya la idea y divagando en ella, ese sea el secreto del miedo, de la angustia: sufrir hasta agotarse. Tener dentro nuestros peores temores, recelos, perturbaciones y debilidades. Quemarnos con ellos. Dejar que nos desgarren. Convivir con el suplicio y la tortura ya casi autoimpuestos. Asumirlos como realidad y caer en vida, darlos por sentado. Agonizar hasta el punto máximo de angustia que soportemos, pero sin morir. Llegar al fondo, caer a tierra. Hundir los pies en el barro y desentrañar todos esos miedos que los fantasmas inculcaron en nosotros. Memorizarlos, recorrerlos, descifrarlos y atravesarlos hasta desprendernos de ellos. Que el dolor nos arranque la piel y las lágrimas dejen cicatrices, pero con la seguridad de haber llegado a un punto tan oscuro y profundo que sólo nos deje la posibilidad de ascender. 
       Después de todo, la muerte no es lo peor que nos puede pasar en la vida; sólo es lo último.

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       Sunday is gloomy, my hours are slumberless. Dearest, the shadows I live with are numberless. Little white flowers will never awaken you, not where the black coach of sorrow has taken you.
       Angels have no thought of ever returning you. Would they be angry if I thought of joining you? Gloomy Sunday.
       Gloomiest Sunday, with shadows I spend it all. My heart and I have decided to end it all, soon there'll be candles and prayers that are said, I know, but let them not weep, let them know that I'm glad to go. Death is no dream, for in death I'm caressing you, with the last breath of my soul I'll be blessing you.

- Gloomy Sunday -

       Dreaming, I was only dreaming. I wake and I find you asleep in the deep of my heart, here. Darling, I hope that my dream never haunted you, my heart is telling you how much I wanted you.

Gloomy Sunday..

Wish you well

       "Una persona cambia por dos razones: aprendió demasiado o sufrió lo suficiente."
No, no sé cuál es mi caso, pero este año van a cambiar varias cosas. Hay nuevas metas en mi gran y extensa lista, pero la principal es convertirme en una mujer completa y totalmente 

i n s e n s i b l e 

Sí, contradictorio, pero planeo lograrlo.


       "Una de las cosas más tristes de la vida es cuando conoces a alguien que significa todo y sólo al final te das cuenta que no era para ti y tienes que dejarlo ir."
Ella se siente sola. No confía en nadie, no puede ver buenas intenciones. Tiene miedo, quiere dejar todo atrás. Sólo quiere ser una nueva persona en un nuevo mundo.

       Sometimes love feels like pain, and sometimes I wonder if it's all the same. Sometimes life feels just like rain, cause you never know, when it's gonna fall down on you. I wish you well, I wish you well on this trip to find yourself. I wish you well, wish I could help, but I can't help you find yourself.

Sometimes faith feels like doubt, and sometimes I wonder if we'll even get out. Sometimes life hurts just like now, but ya gotta know, it's all gonna come back around. I wish you well, I wish you well on this trip to find yourself. I wish you well, wish I could help, but I can't help you find yourself.
And we were sixteen at the time, nothing could ever change our minds. We were one step below invincible, and we always fought it, you've never been the same. You were so scared to make a name, then you threw it all away and I wish you'd come back now.

- Freedom & smile - 

The fray

    - You love someone, you open yourself up to suffering; that's the sad truth.
Maybe they'll break your hearth, maybe you'll break their hearth and never be able to look at yourself in the same way. Those are the risks. Thats the burden. Like wings, they have weight, we feel that weight on our backs, but they are a burden that lifts us. -

Burdens that allow us to fly.

 

"El amor entre los seres humanos no es imperativo sexual, ni dogma social o religioso que impida la libre unión entre dos personas, sean estas de distinto color de piel, del sexo que fuere, o de cualquier religión. Pero sí debemos entender que para que surja el amor, es imprescindible el lazo de la amistad, de la amistad sincera que no busca aranceles, ni comisiones de confianza, ni camas huecas de afectos, ni de las dudas de los celos infecciosos."

- Don't let me go, don't let me go, don't let me go -

       En inglés todo suena mejor. Podés ser un putrefacto asesino que quiere remendar su vida pero no puede dejar su gastada jeringa atrás así como su vida de mierda no lo deja a él, pero claro, traducilo, ponele algo de ritmo y ya podés nadar en billetes o hacer de tu miseria algo 'culto', musical y 'digno' de ser apreciado por la sociedad.

- You're face to face with the man who sold the world -

~

       I think about the days when we were young and carefree. We never even bothered to ask who are we or who we should be, we just existed with no resistance; we were superheroes then.. But times have changed and wars are raging underneath our skin.
       We're dodging bullets and holding ground, pushing, pulling and weighing down.

What happened to that cape I used to wear?

Is it out there? And if you find it somewhere inside of me, help me see it because I should be flying. I wanna be a superhero again and finish this war under my skin.

       Oh but, history has shown us that when times are gettin hard it's time for us to grow and see exactly who we are. The morning after the storm is always brighter than the rests, right? Especially when you know you past your test, but the tests are only standardized.
       In little public schools were they've given you all the answers and prepared you with the rules. I don't think life on earth is set up quite the same, it's every man out for himself until we make things change. Can we make things change? So give me one thing, something please, just a glimmer of hope. I'm on my knees. I need to know that I'm not, that I'm not crazy, and if I am then tell me now so I can tie my cape to my straight jacket and bow out, 'cause I am not about to go down this way. No, not the superhero today, I guess I'm not the superhero today.

Now I know we said things, did things that we didn’t mean and we fall back into the same patterns, same routine, but your temper is just as bad is mine is you’re the same as me. When it comes to love you’re just as blinded. Please, come back it wasn’t you maybe it was me. Maybe our relationship isn’t as crazy as it seems, maybe that’s what happens when a tornado meets a valcano. All I know is I love you too much to walk away though. Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk. Don’t you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk? Next time I’m pissed I’ll aim my fist at the drywall. Next time? There won’t be no next time. I’m tired of the games, I just want him back. If he ever tries to fucking leave again I’mma tie him to the bed and set this house on fire.

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       Romeo save me, they're tryin' to tell me how to feel. This love is difficult, but it's real! Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess. It's a love story, just say yes.

       I got tired of waiting, wonderin' if you were ever coming around. My faith in you is fading when I met you on the outskirts of town, and I said: "Romeo, save me. I've been feeling so alone". I keep waiting for you but you never come. Is this in my head? I don't know what to think. He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said: "Marry me, Juliet, you'll never have to be alone.

I love you, and that's all I really know.

I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress. It's a love story, baby, just say yes".

En fin, vidas mías. ¡Feliz 2012! ¡Me voy a la playa!

- Nada mejor que una playa para reflexionar -

Mary was the type of girl, she always liked to fall apart

       Hay una niña sola en su habitación, jugando con el aire y su imaginación. No comparte tesoros ni tampoco secretos. Su universo es grande, más que el mundo entero. Ella ríe sin saber por qué, ella habla si saber por qué, ella mira a su alrededor y no ve más que dolor. 

       Niña, ¿Qué va a ser de ti? Sin sueños que cumplir, con tu vida no querrás seguir...

       Cien noches de lágrimas y de fría oscuridad, el calor más cercano era el de la soledad. Tiene tanto miedo a que puedan entrar en su frágil burbuja de irrealidad..

No estamos en la misma sintonía.
Antes de dormir, veo las cosas que me dió. Y es entonces cuando me siento mal y comienzo a extrañarle. Y es entonces cuando pienso: "Tal vez debería haberle regalado algo". Así ahora tal vez estaría extrañándome también. Quizás sus regalos eran sólo para hacerme sentir como me siento el día de hoy. Quizás soy una malagradecida que no asume cargos de conciencia ni piensa bien de los demás. Quizás, ambas. Pero no estamos en la misma sintonía.

Turn around, every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never comin' 'round.

Turn around, every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears.

Turn around, every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by.

Turn around, every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes.

Turn around, bright eyes, every now and then I fall apart.

Turn around, every now and then I get a little bit restless and I dream of something wild.

Turn around, every now and then I get a little bit helpless and I'm lyin' like a child in your arms.

Turn around, every now and then I get a little bit angry and I know I've got to get out and cry.

Turn around, every now and then I get a little bit terrified but then I see the look in your eyes.

Turn around, bright eyes, every now and then I fall apart.

And I need you now tonight, and I need you more than ever. And if you'll only hold me tight, we'll be holding on forever. And we'll only be making it right, 'cause we'll never be wrong, together we can take it to the end of the line. Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time, I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark. We're livin' in a powder keg and givin' off sparks.

I really need you tonight, forever's gonna start tonight.

Once upon a time I was falling in love but now I'm only falling apart. There's nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart. Once upon a time there was light in my life but now there's only love in the dark. Nothing I can say, a total eclipse of the heart.

Turn around, bright eyes.

Turn around, every now and then I know you'll never be the boy you always wanted to be.

Turn around, but every now and then I know you'll always be the only boy who wanted me the way that I am.

Turn around, every now and then I know there's no one in the universe as magical and wondrous as you.

Turn around, every now and then I know there's nothing any better, there's nothing that I just wouldn't do.

Turn around, bright eyes, every now and then I fall apart.

- Y a fin de cuentas no soy distinta de aquella idiota que te quería -

Nota para mí: 

Dejá de hablar

sola y no

fantasees más.